One Year Later

My last major relationship ended a year ago. July 14 in fact but I'm just getting around to writing this. My heart was not broken but it certainly took a beating. I felt betrayed to put it mildly and confused. It took a little while longer for the anger to set in.

Now the truthful part in me realized that we had problems. The biggest one revolving around intimacies. Any intimacies. Eventually he didn't even want to do what he called adult kissing and I couldn't understand why it was fine before and suddenly it wasn't. Sex was an entirely different problem.

He thought I was overly sexual. I knew that I was at my wits end towards the end. And that something was going to have to change because I couldn't take it to much longer. It was making serious inroads into my self-confidence and self-esteem. Even holding me to spoon me was a bad thing because I was escaping reality.

Unfortunately, I loved him. I truly, deeply, loved him. And you shouldn't give up on love. At least that's what I believed. And then I caught him kissing another girl in a manner that he stopped kissing me. He had a bad night that night. And the pain. It was horrible. I was skeptical about all the "I love you's". And he managed to make me feel guilty and bad because I didn't want to trust it by accusing me of not trusting and being willing to just accept.

So we are here one year later. My quality of life is by and large amazing.

I have Highland Games and I'm actively involved in my clan.
I have Eidolon Foundation.
I'm having my first full success at writing a novel.
I have pub quiz and kilt nights.

I'm alive and I love it. I've made a few male "friends" along the way. The ones that started pushing me to commit fully into a relationship are not part of my life. It would be nice to have a boyfriend from time to time (mostly every time I need to change a light bulb).

My life is rich with activity now and it's improved so tremendously. I've moved from Greensboro to Charlotte area. And sure it would be nice to have a friend to spend time with from time to time but it's not a requirement. So many women go through life looking for a man to complete them. I'm complete all on my own and I think that is important to bring into my next relationship when it sneaks up on me.